It's Free In Heaven
An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"It’s free. This is Heaven."
Next they surveyed the championship golf course behind the home. They would have golfing privileges every day, and every week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"
Peter’s reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with cuisines of the world. "How much is it to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it’s free!," Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
Peter explained, "That’s the best part – you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven!"
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and the man’s wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
"It’s free. This is Heaven."
Next they surveyed the championship golf course behind the home. They would have golfing privileges every day, and every week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"
Peter’s reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with cuisines of the world. "How much is it to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it’s free!," Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
Peter explained, "That’s the best part – you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven!"
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and the man’s wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
Who Is Guilty? - A story from the nineteenth century
The room in one of the courthouses in London was packed. The door opened and a small, very thin-looking man was brought in. His jacket seemed miles too big for him.
"Your name is William John Turnbright?" asked the judge.
Yes, your Honor," answered the man in a barely audible whisper.
"Mr Turnbright," continued the judge, "you stole a loaf of bread from one of the bakeries on City Road yesterday. Why did you do it?"
John Turnbright wiped drops of perspiration from his brow. " Your Honor," he said haltingly, "I have a sick wife and two children. They need food. I am unable to do heavy work and easier jobs are not available. Last summer I began to beg so that my family would not starve. This week, however, we had nothing left to eat. I did not know what else to do. I took the bread."
"I did not steal the bread, your Honor. I took it. There were so many loaves lying there. I wondered how many of them, when not sold, would be thrown into the waste containers as old bread. And only one of them would be enough to feed my family for one more day."
"I have an old Bible at home. I read in it sometimes when my wife and children are sleeping. It says there that those who have should give to those who do not have. Your Honor, how long must we wait until something is given to us?"
Exhausted the man stopped talking. The judge who had been listening intently, was quiet for a while.
Then he said, "Mr. Turnbright, we have a law in this country that will not allow any exceptions. You are guilty of stealing and you must pay a fine of five pounds."
The judge paused. Then he pulled out his wallet and took out a five-pound note. He placed it into the container on his desk and said to the man in front of him, "This is your fine. It is paid."
Then the judge let his eyes roam over the people in the courtroom. "Besides the laws that are written into our lawbooks," he said slowly, "there is a universal moral law. According to that law we are all guilty. It is our fault that this man had to steal. Who wants to make restitution to him for that which we have left undone all these years? He who has ears to hear, will hear."
The judge took the container with the five-pound note from his desk and had it passed along the rows of people sitting in the courtroom. The container, filled to overflowing with money, was handed to Mr. Turnbright.
He held the container with both hands and stared down on it as if this were only a dream.
The court was dismissed.
From I Heard Good News Today: Stories For Children.
"Your name is William John Turnbright?" asked the judge.
Yes, your Honor," answered the man in a barely audible whisper.
"Mr Turnbright," continued the judge, "you stole a loaf of bread from one of the bakeries on City Road yesterday. Why did you do it?"
John Turnbright wiped drops of perspiration from his brow. " Your Honor," he said haltingly, "I have a sick wife and two children. They need food. I am unable to do heavy work and easier jobs are not available. Last summer I began to beg so that my family would not starve. This week, however, we had nothing left to eat. I did not know what else to do. I took the bread."
"I did not steal the bread, your Honor. I took it. There were so many loaves lying there. I wondered how many of them, when not sold, would be thrown into the waste containers as old bread. And only one of them would be enough to feed my family for one more day."
"I have an old Bible at home. I read in it sometimes when my wife and children are sleeping. It says there that those who have should give to those who do not have. Your Honor, how long must we wait until something is given to us?"
Exhausted the man stopped talking. The judge who had been listening intently, was quiet for a while.
Then he said, "Mr. Turnbright, we have a law in this country that will not allow any exceptions. You are guilty of stealing and you must pay a fine of five pounds."
The judge paused. Then he pulled out his wallet and took out a five-pound note. He placed it into the container on his desk and said to the man in front of him, "This is your fine. It is paid."
Then the judge let his eyes roam over the people in the courtroom. "Besides the laws that are written into our lawbooks," he said slowly, "there is a universal moral law. According to that law we are all guilty. It is our fault that this man had to steal. Who wants to make restitution to him for that which we have left undone all these years? He who has ears to hear, will hear."
The judge took the container with the five-pound note from his desk and had it passed along the rows of people sitting in the courtroom. The container, filled to overflowing with money, was handed to Mr. Turnbright.
He held the container with both hands and stared down on it as if this were only a dream.
The court was dismissed.
From I Heard Good News Today: Stories For Children.
Johannes Stoffler - End of The World
In 1499, Mathematician and Astronomer Johannes
Stoffler predicted that a great deluge would cover the world on February 20,
1524, a catastrophic event similar to the time of Noah and the Ark. This
prediction gained traction due to Stoffler’s respectable position at the
University of Tubigen. During the intervening twenty-five years, over one
hundred different pamphlets were written and distributed warning of the
predicted disaster. People built ships
on the Rhine River to survive. Land began to sell in the lowlands and along the
waterlines for greatly reduced rates. One famous count, Count von Iggleheim,
led the charge and built himself a three-story ship to survive the deluge. This
ship sat with many other boats and ships in the Rhine River. Merchants made good
money selling survival supplies to all of the fearful people.
February 20, 1524, came. The wealthy who were able to purchase boats were sitting securely with their survival supplies in their boats. And then a giant thunderstorm came. While the wealthy were sitting in their boats, panic set in with the rest of the people. The great storm convinced them that Stoffler’s prediction was true. And hundreds of people died. Not from the storm, but from the mad rush to try and get in the boats already in the river. The deluge did not come. It was just a storm.
February 20, 1524, came. The wealthy who were able to purchase boats were sitting securely with their survival supplies in their boats. And then a giant thunderstorm came. While the wealthy were sitting in their boats, panic set in with the rest of the people. The great storm convinced them that Stoffler’s prediction was true. And hundreds of people died. Not from the storm, but from the mad rush to try and get in the boats already in the river. The deluge did not come. It was just a storm.
Stoffler recalculated to find his error and came
up with a new date. He predicted that the world would end in 1528 this time.
The Germans failed to heed this new warning and the date passed with barely a
notice.
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